


Colours of Love

by ladyhavilliard



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Love Confessions, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Oneshot, Unrequited Love, Weddings, does it count as friends to lovers if they've kinda been secretly in love already?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2020-03-09 18:42:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18922843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyhavilliard/pseuds/ladyhavilliard
Summary: In a world where everyone is born seeing only in black and white, you begin to see colours once you touch your soulmate for the first time. Due to a misunderstanding years ago, Rhysand has to watch his soulmate marry another man.





	Colours of Love

She was beautiful.

Since the moment I had met her, she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen.

And now, with the masterpiece of a dress that complimented her curves in the best way possible, the intricate design of the bun she had tied her hair in, so she could show the open back of her gown, and the bloody rose petals that were braided into her golden-brown strands, the same colour as her full lips…

Red. Why had she decided to wear red on her wedding? Feyre _hated_ red _._

But maybe, she wanted to associate it with something nice, after all. Maybe she had decided to overcome her fear by replacing it with a happy memory. Because she _was_ happy and in love, and that was everything that mattered.

The music was slow and quiet in the background as she made one more step toward the altar, toward her future husband. Toward her new life. Feyre never spared a second glance to the guests standing on her both sides. Her beautiful eyes never left the people waiting in front of her. Her best friend and maid of honour, my cousin Mor. Lucien. And her beloved fiancé.

She never looked at me.

Perhaps it was for the better. I came here for my best friend. I came here because she wanted all of her friends to share the happiest day of her life with her. And if those blue-grey eyes had looked at me, I knew wouldn’t have been able to hide the pain I felt. The pain of watching Tamlin marry the woman I loved.

_My soulma-_

_Not my anything._

But luckily, she never turned around. She couldn’t know. No matter how much I wanted to see her beautiful eyes one more time and make sure she was happy.

Blue-grey had become my favourite colour.

It all happened on a night of a stupid college party three years ago. Feyre had just moved to Prythian from some small village nearby. Mor had been her roommate and made her come to the party that Helion threw for his birthday.  That was the night she came into my life and changed it completely.

I used to see in black and white. Probably every other person in that room was the same way. We are all told that the world is beautiful and full of colours, but we start seeing them from the moment we touch the person we’re destined to be with. Our soulmate.

I had never believed in any of this. Before my parents died, they had claimed to be soulmates, but they were fighting all the time. It was almost like they hated each other and stayed together only because of my sister and I. I didn’t want a relationship like that.

So I just stopped believing.

How can you know that you see only black and white, when you had never seen any colours? You can’t miss something you can’t even imagine.

Two hours into the party and Feyre couldn’t take it anymore. She was just making her way outside when she tripped on someone’s forgotten cup of disgusting cheap beer. I saw it and caught her hand as fast as I could, trying to help her regain her balance before she could hit the wooden floor. The moment my skin had touched hers, my breath had been taken away and I was left wordless. The first thing I had seen were her beautiful eyes, the colour of an upcoming storm.

Colour.

_There you are, there you are, there you are._

And, of course, that was the moment I realized Tamlin had tried to catch her too. He had rested one of his hands on the small of her back and she looked at him, her mouth slightly opened.

_I was looking for you,_ I wanted to say. But no sound could leave my lips.

I didn’t move, begging to whatever god could hear me to make her look at me, to see the expression on my face, to find out. I wanted to tell her what had happened, but she hadn’t even realized I was also touching her. Maybe she was too confused and thought Tamlin was holding her with his free hand, not me. Or maybe she just didn’t care anough.

“I want to paint you”, she whispered. “I finally know what colour looks like and I want to paint you.”

At that moment, I felt something break inside me. Tamlin looked at me from the corner of his eyes and I knew everything was over. I knew he would hate me forever for what had happened years ago, just as I knew he would not stop before any boundaries if it meant hurting me once more. He knew what could have happened if he hadn’t shown up and decided to play a big part in preventing it come true.

So, I naturally let go of her hand and turned away. I kept the secret of what had happened for weeks. But then, Feyre and Tamlin started to date officially and I couldn’t take it anymore. I told Morrigan about the night of the party and she told me I was a stupid prick for not only hiding the truth from Feyre, but for letting her date a monster like Tamlin. She told me I had to confess and explain everything in an instant, but I couldn’t. Not when she had fallen in love with him. Feyre looked so happy and peaceful. I couldn’t take this happiness away from her.

With the time, she became Mor’s best friend and later mine, too. I took everything she offered me and nothing more. Tamlin hated our friendship and we started to go out less and less, but we never stopped. She even made me take her to the man that had tattooed me, Cassian and Azriel. She said this was the first time she felt as if she was part of a family and wanted to have the same tattoo, so she could be one of us.

A part of _my_ family.

That’s how she got the black tattoo, swirling on her gentle left arm, from the tips of her fingers to her elbow. After that, I didn’t see her for over four months. She never told me the reason, but I knew Tamlin had played a role in her disappearance.

She never lost her beautiful smile, though. Feyre always kept smiling and I knew that whatever he had done, she was still happy. She didn’t want to be parted with us, but she would still always choose him, because Tamlin was everything she wanted and she deserved that love, for she was my light in the darkness, all the colours in this world.

_My soulmate, in love with someone else._

_Not my anything._

_Not my anything._

I repeated the words in my head, over and over again, while she walked down the aisle. I kept repeating them as the music stopped and, suddenly, she was standing before Tamlin, holding his hand.

Everything had happened too fast, but in the same time too slow and definitely too painful for me to handle.

I couldn’t hear anything. The word had gone silent. Time had slowed down and every little movement lasted for centuries. And during that timeless hell, she was still the reason I lived on, the only thing I could see or think about. She was everything there was.

“Yes!”, Tamlin said.

My body tensed and all at once I became too aware of what was happening. Time started its flow again, although I wasn’t sure I wanted it to.

“And you, Feyre Archeron, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

I took a deep breath and prepared myself for the answer, but a few seconds passed and it didn’t come. Her hands slightly trembled and I felt my eyes water.

_No, no…_

She wasn’t excited, nor was she even nervous. No, she was scared. Scared of the scene that played right before her eyes. Scared of the decision she was going to make… Scared of _him_. Her skin was pale, all colour had left her cheeks. She wasn’t happy. How didn’t I notice sooner?

“Feyre?” I more saw than heard Tamlin say. But somehow, there was no gentleness in his features, no worry in his eyes.

I should have told her everything, I shouldn’t have let her do this. It had all been a terrible mistake and she had been too terrified because of it, too confused to leave. My soulmate. I should never had kept it to myself…

“No.”

For a heartbeat, a veil of silence enveloped the church. And then-

“What did you say?” Tamlin snapped.

“I am not going to marry you!” Tears fell from her eyes like raindrops, but her voice remained strong, secure. Her hands had stopped to tremble, too.

Tamlin was furious. He made a step towards her and I stood up, preparing myself to punch him in the face before he could do it to her first. Before I knew it, Feyre had gotten away from him and was running towards the exit. He attempted to follow her, but Mor, Amren and my brothers were faster. The girls blocked his exit while Cassian and Azriel grabbed him. He couldn’t escape their grip no matter how much he tried to.

Amren looked at me, her eyes full of pride from what Feyre had done, and nodded in encouragement.

“Go!” my cousin hissed.

I didn’t need any more convincing as I stormed out of the building and jumped into my car.

____

It took me half an hour to get here. I didn’t see her car anywhere, but she had to be here. There was nowhere else she could have gone.

The lake was beautiful that day. The blue of the cloudless sky reflected in the water, making it a darker shade of the colour of her eyes. I loved this place.

From the moment I showed it to her, I knew she fell in love with it as much as I did.

It was only a couple of minutes away from the city, but no one ever came. And at night, this was the best place to look at the night sky. Every time I come here and look at the stars, I begin to feel peaceful, like everything is alright. This place worked for her the same way, I was sure of it. We had held countless of conversations gazing at the stars, lying right beside that very same lake and her words were enough for me to learn that much. I knew she felt at ease here and now, more than ever, she needed a place where she could feel safe and comfortable. So without a second thought, I got out of the car and looked around.

There she was. Laying on her back, her wedding dress already dirty with grass stains was spread around her, some strands of her hair had come loose, making it a mess. I took a deep breath and put my hands in my pockets, then approached her slowly. Every step I took towards her lasted a lifetime. Her eyes were closed and for a moment, I thought she had fallen asleep.

“It was all my fault”, she whispered then. I stopped and felt my whole body tense. _Feyre…_ “Staying with him. Hurting myself. It is all my fault”

My heart broke with every word that left her mouth. It pained me to just look at her and not be able to say anything. But not knowing what else to do was what hurt most.

She opened her eyes ever so slowly and stood into a sitting position. Her cheeks were wet from the tears she had shed. She was silent for a moment and I finally sat next to her, my eyes never leaving hers. I gently stroked her hand, assuring her to continue.

“I knew I wasn’t happy”, Feyre confessed, her voice hoarse from the crying. ”I knew this wasn’t love, at least not anymore. I still thought I loved him when he proposed, but in the months that came after, those feelings faded and now… They just aren’t here. But I kept telling myself that I was wrong. That I did love him and I was just stressed out. I continued to lie to myself that I was happy, that this- he- was everything I wanted, everything I needed. He is my soulmate after all. It is our destiny to be together…”

“We choose our own destiny, Feyre. Only you can decide who you are, what you do and who you want to be with. And…” _he isn’t your soulmate, never was._ In that moment, I wanted to tell her so badly. But did I have the right after everything she had gone through? How could I push the burden of the truth onto her shoulders now, when she was sad and heartbroken, when the last thing she needed was a relationship.

“Do you remember last year? After I made my tattoo and then just disappeared?” Feyre asked, interrupting my train of thought. I nodded, curious where she was going with this. “We had a big fight and after that, so I decided it was better to stay at home for a while. Those months were probably the worst of my life. I lost weight, stopped eating and I… became numb. Nothing seemed to provoke any kind of emotions inside me. Life seemed pointless. I wanted to care, but I didn’t. Tamlin acted like he didn’t see anything wrong with me and I thought… I just thought he was fighting his own demons, trying to become someone better. I stopped talking to you, because he was more stressed out than ever and I didn’t want to make it any worse, but…  The only thing that made me want to live again- not just exist as an empty shell, but live- was the thought of you. Of the family you introduced me to, and the home you offered me with arms wide open. But mostly of you, Rhysand.”

My heart started to beat faster. If only I had known… She had gone through all of this by herself. She had fought alone, and I had had no idea about it.

“I stayed with him only because he is my soulmate”

“He isn’t”, I heard myself say and instantly looked away. No matter how ashamed for I was, I had to tell her. Her suffering was my fault. She was hurting because I was a coward. The least I could do was offer her the truth. I just couldn’t stand watching her in the eyes while doing so.

_Coward,_ I scoffed at myself.

“Tamlin isn’t your soulmate” I felt Feyre stiffen as I repeated. “The night at the party you were drunk and confused and when you, clumsy as always, tripped on that cup, it was both of us that tried catch you. The blue-grey of your eyes was the first colour I ever saw. You were so beautiful and you didn’t even look at me. You had eyes only for him and didn’t even realize I was standing right beside you, too, still holding your hand.”

I finally looked up. New tears were streaming down her face and I felt my own eyes water. There were too many emotions written in those pretty eyes. And for the first time, I couldn’t read her at all.

I thought she was about to scream at me, hit me, offend me for everything I had hid from her all this time. But she did nothing of those things. In fact, she didn’t do anything at all.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked after a while, when the silence had become suffocating.

So many reasons, but at the same time there were no real reasons at all. I thought for a moment. Why did it matter what I would say? She probably hated me anyway.

“At first I didn’t tell you, because I was scared. You didn’t know me and I was afraid you would think it was some sort of a stupid prank. Then you started dating him and I thought you were happy. When you and Mor got closer and you became a part of our family, you always looked like everything in your life was perfect, the way it had to be. For me, it was enough to take everything you gave me and nothing more. If being my friend was all you wanted, I was content to give you that. Even though it killed me to watch you with him, I was fine with it, as long as you were happy. And I wanted that for you.” I stopped for a moment, still refusing to meet her eyes. “I promised myself I would let you go, because you deserved to love fiercely and be loved the same way in return. Even if it wasn’t with me. Because I loved you, Feyre. I love you. You are not only my soulmate, you are my everything.”

It was too late. I was a fool and it was too late to make things right.

She deserved the truth, but I didn’t deserve her at all.

Feyre gently took my chin between her fingers and made me look at her. I expected to find only pity and anger, maybe pain, but the look she gave me… It was full of worry. Worry and love. I had to be mistaken, somehow. It wasn’t possible, and then-

“All this time I wondered what it would be like if it was you.” The corners of her mouth turned into a small smile. I had to have heard it all wrong, she couldn’t really mean it. “I wanted it to be you”

I cried.

I couldn’t keep the tears, I couldn’t stop the sob as it escaped my lips. This wasn’t real, it couldn’t be real. She had escaped Tamlin, had left the wedding and that was too much to begin with. But to say she had thought about me, had wished to be with me, even when she believed Tamlin to be her soulmate? This couldn’t be real.

Maybe she knew me too well, or perhaps I had said it out loud. She wrapped her arms around me in a tight hug, a promise to never let go. I buried my face in the crook of her neck, breathing her in. Tears flowed from my eyes.

“I love you too, Rhysand. I might need time to heal, but I belong to you. I always have. And I am sorry, so incredibly sorry, that I hid away those feelings. You deserve the world and I am sorry I made you think otherwise”

Feyre gently cupped my cheek with her hand after she had pulled away a bit, just enough to look me in the eyes. In a heartbeat her lips met mine and I felt happier than ever. It felt as though everything in this world had come into place, like I had found what I had been looking for all of my life. Everything had changed in the matter of seconds, but as her lips moved against mine, I realized I had never felt so right in my whole life. It was new and exciting, but so warm and familiar, as if this is where we have always be meant to be.

I loved her and she loved me. That was all that mattered.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this more than a year ago and it was my first fanfic not only in the fandom, but the first I posted on Tumblr and the first I wrote in English. Surprisingly, I still kinda like how it turned out, so I decided to share it here, too. Hope you enjoyed! <3


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